The Library
Orientations & Attraction
The patterns of sexual and romantic attraction a person experiences, distinct from gender identity or kink role.
All 16 terms
- AromanticAromantic (often shortened to 'aro') describes people who experience little or no romantic attraction to others. It is an orientation distinct from sexual attraction, meaning an aromantic person may have any level of sexual attraction — or none — and can still form deep, meaningful relationships.
- AsexualAsexual (or 'ace') describes people who experience little or no sexual attraction to others. It is a sexual orientation and a spectrum, not a disorder, choice, or phase—asexual people may still form deep romantic bonds, enjoy physical closeness, or engage in relationships and even kink on their own terms.
- BiromanticBiromantic describes experiencing romantic attraction to more than one gender. It is the romantic-orientation counterpart to bisexuality, focusing on who a person forms romantic bonds with rather than who they feel sexual attraction toward — and the two do not always align.
- BisexualBisexual describes a person who experiences sexual and/or romantic attraction to more than one gender. This attraction is not necessarily equal, simultaneous, or fixed over time, and bisexual people may be attracted to any genders including their own and others.
- DemisexualDemisexual describes people who experience sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with someone, rather than feeling it based on looks, first impressions, or physical proximity. It is a recognized orientation on the asexual spectrum, and understanding it helps people communicate their needs and set realistic expectations in relationships.
- GraysexualGraysexual (or gray-asexual) describes people who sit between asexual and allosexual on the asexuality spectrum: they experience sexual attraction rarely, weakly, only under specific circumstances, or in ways they find hard to categorize. It matters because it gives language to those whose experience of desire doesn't fit neatly into 'always' or 'never,' supporting clearer self-understanding and honest communication with partners.
- HedonismHedonism is an outlook that treats pleasure, enjoyment, and sensory experience as central goods worth pursuing intentionally. In kink and BDSM contexts, it describes an embrace of sensation and delight practiced within clear consent — celebrating the body's capacity for pleasure without shame, while still honoring limits and safety.
- HeterosexualHeterosexual (often shortened to 'straight') describes people who experience sexual and/or romantic attraction primarily to people of a different gender from their own. It is one of many valid sexual orientations, and it intersects with kink, relationship structures, and identity in diverse ways.
- HomosexualHomosexual describes experiencing sexual and/or romantic attraction primarily to people of the same gender as one's own. In everyday language, gay is used broadly for people of any gender, while lesbian specifically describes women attracted to women. It is a normal, healthy sexual orientation recognized across cultures and history.
- Kink as Orientation"Kink as orientation" is the idea, held by many in the community, that kink is a deep, stable, and enduring part of who a person is—akin to sexual orientation—rather than a passing preference, phase, or lifestyle choice. This framing matters because it shapes how people understand their own identities, seek belonging, and advocate for dignity and non-pathologization.
- NeptunicNeptunic (or neptunian) is an attraction term describing people who are drawn to women and non-binary people, but not to men. It's part of a family of orientation words that describe attraction by referencing specific genders rather than the speaker's own gender, letting people name their experience without centering the gender binary.
- PanromanticPanromantic describes experiencing romantic attraction to people regardless of their gender. It is the romantic-attraction counterpart to pansexuality, and it recognizes that who someone wants to build romantic connection with can be independent of who they experience sexual attraction to.
- PansexualPansexual describes experiencing sexual and/or romantic attraction to people regardless of their gender. Rather than being drawn toward a specific set of genders, pansexual people find that gender is not the deciding factor in whom they're attracted to.
- PolysexualPolysexual describes experiencing sexual and/or romantic attraction to multiple, but not necessarily all, genders. It differs from pansexuality (attraction regardless of gender) and bisexuality by emphasizing that a person is drawn to several specific genders while not necessarily including every gender. It is a valid, self-defined orientation under the broader queer and multisexual umbrella.
- QueerQueer is an umbrella term for sexual orientations and gender identities that fall outside heterosexual and cisgender norms. Once a slur, it has been widely reclaimed as an affirming self-descriptor and a broad, flexible community label. It matters because it lets people name their experience without committing to a single, narrower category.
- SapiosexualSapiosexual describes a person whose attraction is driven primarily by intelligence or the way someone thinks, rather than physical appearance alone. For many, wit, curiosity, insight, and stimulating conversation are the strongest triggers of desire. It sits within the broader landscape of attraction and can overlap with other orientations.
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